“A well titled book, this is a good read which goes beyond a primer with a depth and sensitivity blanketed by a sense of authenticity. The writing style of Chaplain VanDuivendyk is open and honest, revealing the universal truth that while pain and grief touches each of us, the way one deals with it makes a considerable difference. A powerful image is that we are invited by God to grieve and be comforted.

He writes in a way that allows the reader to open oneself to one’s own very personal and often hidden experience. That grief is a process unfolding in as many different ways as there are experiences. Using a subtle yet firm style, the author points out the importance for each person to recognize that there is no fixed time frame in which one must move through grief. “Move at your own pace not another’s expectations. Yet at the same time, continue to move toward the light and new life. Move away from worshipping the past but honor the past. Love life and others more because of the past.” (p.103)

This text doesn’t seek to proclaim the “only” way to approach this topic. The author takes the time through words and images to draw the reader inside his approach to ministry presenting not perfect answers, but possibilities. Utilizing helpful stories and illustrations Tim clearly points out that grief is not a cookie cutter process, nor does he seek to lift one up.

While not forcing his own theology, VanDuivendyk centers on a Judeo Christian foundation of God with us in our journey through the pain of grief. He reminds us that while it may be difficult to see while trudging through the mire of grief, one need not journey alone. As such, the reader is drawn to look at grief and all it holds through one’s own lens. Throughout his writing is the inescapable reminder that one must journey through the pain of grief.

He writes to those dealing with grief as well as persons called to walk alongside. Utilizing a subtle yet provocative methodology the book is a reminder that as professionals, we continue to learn. That experience is a wonderful teacher and reinventing the wheel is not necessary. The author lifts up a central tenet of chaplaincy and pastoral care in general: the art of listening as one walks with those in grief, without becoming enmeshed.

This is a text which drew me into my own experiences of grief and the privilege I have had as I journeyed with others. All the while allowing me the space to reflect upon my own professional practice.

In reading the pre-publication reviews the bar was set high for VanDuivendyk. Having finished the text, I can honestly say I was not disappointed. This is not simply another batch of paper bound together filled with warm fuzzies, but with openness, learning, caution and hope.

There are many feelings which this text elicits. Perhaps the strongest for me is found in the word “genuine.” In approach, theory, theological integrity and feeling, this text is genuine. A good read for professionals and lay.”

 

Rev. Dennis E Snider M.Div., BCC, Denomination: ELCA. Married to Joyce, they have 2 grown children. Called as a staff chaplain since 2001 at Gundersen Lutheran Medical Center, La Crosse, Wisconsin with clinical responsibilities in trauma medicine and cardiac care, and as a mentor for the CPE program. He is presently doing research to develop and evaluate a brief intervention designed to support religious coping in patients undergoing CABG surgery who have little local social support. He also serves as a clinician for the Mississippi River Valley CISM Team based out of Gundersen Lutheran. Outside the hospital, hobbies include fishing, reading, and woodturning.

 

 

 

“Tim VanDuivendyk approaches the topic of grief from a wealth of professional and personal experience. As a hospital chaplain, administrator, and therapist, VanDuivendyk has helped walk others through the “wilderness” of grief and has journeyed deeply in his own grief over his daughter’s struggles with Down syndrome and his mother’s death. As the title suggests, VanDuivendyk’s book presents a double-sided message: death and loss are dark, unwanted, and painful; but grief itself is good—a “gift”—because it is an expression of gratitude for the people we loved and have lost and because it has the potential to bring transformation and new life. VanDuivendyk writes with insight and sensitivity for both those who are grieving and for those who support them as “sojourners” through the grief process, balancing the concerns of these diverse audiences with skill.”

 

Reviewed by Janice A. THOMPSON, King’s College, Wilkes-Barre, PA 18711

 

 

 

“This book provides the structured learning required by most health professionals to conscientiously care for their patients and clients in grief. It should stand beside A Grief Observed (C. S. Lewis) as the map or guideline to the stages of passionate grief and its recovery.”

 

 

 

“THIS BOOK HAS CERTAINLY BEEN A MINISTRY TO ME. The author provides a theologically sound and practical approach to dealing with one of life's most difficult and complex issues. Grief is a tough wilderness journey, and this book is invaluable in helping one navigate through it.”

 

 

 

“VanDuivendyk has clearly laid out his approach and presented it in very manageable segments which will appeal to chaplains, local clergy and especially Christian lay people. The author strikes AN EXCELLENT BALANCE BETWEEN THEORY AND PRACTICE. . . . His personal and professional illustrations are very appealing and carefully written, substantiating his points in ways that are both moving and memorable. I particularly like the practical aspect of this book where caregivers are offered specific guidelines in the “sojourning” process with parishioners, patients and families. The author is not afraid of the most difficult feelings connected with grief work—anger, rage, depression—both in himself and in his readers. . . . Brings substantial knowledge to this subject from the fields of family systems, human development, psychology and clinical supervision. Despite this strong theoretical knowledge, he writes in an accessible way that will be very appealing to the general reader. . . . He gives the material a freshness and focus which is EXTREMELY HELPFUL.”

 

 

 

“You think everything that can possibly be said about grief is already written. Not so. VanDuivendyk's personal experience with grief (his mother's death and the birth of his daughter with Down Syndrome) plus decades of service as a hospital chaplain, a licensed professional counselor, and a marriage and family therapist enable him to speak to the subject from a unique perspective. . . . AVOIDS TECHNICAL/ACADEMIC JARGON SO THE BOOK IS EASY-TO-UNDERSTAND. . . . Particularly meaningful to Christians who struggle with the faith aspects of loss.”